Families & Holidays
Preparing to be around family (or host them) for the holidays can be exhausting. I always feel like my house needs to be five times bigger when I host. The lack of personal space and exhaustion from trying to make my home look like a magazine cover and prepare food that takes my hosting game up a notch - can make me short-sighted when visiting or enjoying my family’s company.
As is true with most family holidays, you always have at least one who says, “You never see me anymore,” This can trigger feelings of guilt and cause a misguided response. Or maybe it triggers frustration because life is busy right now, and the lack of not seeing them is nothing more than a lack of time. Either way, it can cause some pings emotionally. Of course, what they really mean when they say that is, “I miss you and wish I saw you more often.”
So, what do you say?
BE PATIENT WITH YOURSELF IN YOUR RESPONSE. Translating what someone has said into what they actually mean - is mentally and emotionally exhausting. It requires the person translating to suppress any emotion triggered by what has been said to focus solely on why a person would say it. If you understood that this person meant, “I miss you and wish I saw you more often,” then you are already on the right track.
Responding quickly while rooted in any feelings of guilt or frustration, will cause your response to be rooted in those negative feelings, causing more miscommunication. However, not to fret. Following the two tips below can help ease things along.
1) Don’t take it personally. This is general advice and holds true to absolutely everything. Nothing is about you. When grandma said, you don’t see her; it wasn’t because YOU don’t. It is because SHE misses you. Her statement came out of feelings she had. It was all about her, not you. So making any response that assumes it is about you will guide things in a direction they were never intended to go.
2) Just enjoy. Even the most uncomfortable and awkward holiday exchanges will only last a moment.
And for any situation too big to allow family holidays to continue - talk with a mediator and get back to the most important thing for the holidays, spending time with the people you care about.
