Conflicts & Baseball

I recently watched my youngest son play as a pitcher in his first "real" minor league game. I was responsible for keeping the playbook for that particular game. It wasn't until the umpire yelled "full count" that I realized I hadn't been doing a good job at it.

The next pitch was hit, resulting in a foul ball that smacked my son in the neck. I anxiously awaited the tears and a potential surrender of the position. Instead, he walked back to the mound, visibly shaken, as the bases were loaded and there were two outs. Despite his injury, he prepared to throw the next pitch, leaving everyone on the edge of their seats.

Where's the conflict/communication stuff?

What was the next pitch?

Let’s explore

Similar to the pitcher being solely responsible for the pitch's outcome, we are exclusively responsible for our responses to conflicts. The pitcher wants to throw pitches that result in a win for the game, and we also want to respond in ways that get us to our desired outcome.

The problem is that pitch

The pitches and our responses have so many factors to them. Like my son’s injury, there will always be external factors to our responses. Just like the weather will affect a baseball game, ever-changing conflict dynamics lead to our responses being different. No pitches or responses will be the same. Despite knowing this, we start to collect information that leads us to believe we know what will be thrown next. Like when we know someone, we think we know how they will respond to certain things.

You cannot predict a pitch.

Or someone else's responses despite how well you know them. Yes, I understand, and I am often told the age-old saying, "Like the back of my hand." Again, different factors, different emotions, different information. Every second that passes allows people to shift or change their perspective on a situation or problem. When we believe we know what someone will do, we apply a potentially outdated perspective to the current situation. Much like how a pitcher might think a batter will hit the ball or will not hit the ball. We simply won’t know until we throw the ball. We must have a response to reach a resolution.

So, stop assuming.

Statements like "I know they won't agree to that, so why bother?" or "There is no point in asking because I know what they will say" are ineffective. You can refuse to throw, but you’re still standing in the middle of a baseball field. You will still have the issue no matter what you think the other person will do.

It's all in the release.

When you let go of the ball, is just as important as when you decide to have a response. The Tough Talk Questionnaire is a great, free worksheet that helps people prepare for challenging conversations. Like all meaningful things, preparation is key. Setting up your headspace and physical space for the most effective discussion gives you the best odds for a better outcome. It can help people feel more prepared, too.

Keep up with your training.

How well can someone pitch if they keep telling themselves, "You're not good at this; you shouldn't do this"? It is as productive as saying, "It won't ever be resolved; I will never be able to deal with them," for problem-solving. Describing our ability to do something sets the stage for our performance.

Talk to your coach.

Coaches play a crucial role in helping individuals identify communication habits, establish strong foundations, and prepare for interactions.

As my thoughts drifted to all the similarities and overlaps between baseball and conflicts, the umpire again startled me: "Strike three! Batter out!"

Always happy to hear your thoughts, problems, or examples.

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