Co-Parenting & Why you have to figure it out
The effects of hi-conflict co-parenting on children have been documented and studied for years. (See the links to the research below). And although we know the negative impacts, we continue to allow our children to be exposed to such turmoil. Successful co-parenting requires each parent to view the other as a partner in raising children. Having any successful partnership requires some level of trust and respect. In some situations, those traits weren’t present in the relationship while it was intact. The inability to see the other parent as a partner hinders the ability to be successful at co-parenting. When one or both parents feel negative or hostile about the other, their communications will reflect that regardless of their intention. However, constant harmful communications make for a hi-conflict co-parenting relationship, and hi-conflict co-parenting causes emotional damage to our children.
If we know why we must figure it out, the question changes to - why can’t we figure it out? That negative communication is a breeding ground for conflict and is unproductive in solving any problem. It is easy for parents to get caught up in their emotions brought on by separation or divorce. Both parents must adapt to a new way of life. Between moving, figuring out finances, regular daily duties, and the stressors of being a one-parent household- it is easy to lose sight of what our children are experiencing. When the breakup was unwanted by one parent, the feeling of betrayal and abandonment can create a blindness to viewing the other as a partner and trusting them as a co-parent.
When we prioritize our role as a parent, we make a good-faith attempt at seeing things clearly from our child’s view, not ours. Recognizing that a child loves both their parents regardless of their love for each other can help ease tensions and make for more productive conversation.
Co-parenting conflict coaching supports hi-conflict parents in seeing things from their child’s view. It is set up for parents who no longer want to burden their children with the stress that comes when adults can’t figure things out. Contact me if you think you could benefit from these services and want to have a better co-parenting relationship.
Link to Sources and helpful readings
How Parental Conflict Hurts Kids | Institute for Family Studies (ifstudies.org)
