Accountability Statements
Taking accountability for our actions and understanding our part in conflicts is essential for personal growth and healthy relationships. By identifying our responsibility in the situation, we can learn from our mistakes and develop a plan to address the problem. This approach helps us avoid repeating the same mistakes and promotes a more positive outcome.
An accountability statement encourages us to focus on our responsibility in a problem. By eliminating others as the reason for the problem, we empower ourselves to search for solutions that are solely dependent on us. Regular practice of this approach can make us more capable of tackling any challenges that come our way.
We have the power to improve our situation by framing problems in a way that is solely under our control. When we make our problems and solutions specific to our capabilities, we empower ourselves to solve the problem without having to rely on others to change their behaviors. Ultimately, each one of us is accountable for addressing our unique issues. By embracing our responsibility, we can confidently act and bring about the changes we desire to see in our problematic situations.
With a positive attitude, we can transform struggles into opportunities for growth and success. Instead of placing blame, we should adopt a more constructive mindset and focus on the problem itself. Shifting our mindset from "THEY are the problem" to "THAT is the problem" is a simple change that helps us make our accountability statement.
Each problem statement listed below concerns someone else's actions. It puts responsibility for the problem and the solution in the hands and control of someone else. We can only control our own thoughts and actions. When we eliminate someone else and their actions from our problem statements, we are left with the problem that is within our control to fix. This is our accountability statement.
Problem Statement: “My attitude would be better if they would stop taking the last coffee.”
Accountability Statement: “I don’t like having to refill the coffee. I think it’s rude for people to leave it empty.”
What’s going on: It's important to me that it is filled. Leaving it empty may come across as impolite. However, we need to remember that others may not have the same understanding or awareness of the issue.
What we can do: It is often better to avoid assuming that someone is being rude and instead respectfully communicate what their actions might mean without pressuring them to act in a certain way. This approach can help resolve the issue and lead to a more genuine understanding between people.
What it looks & sounds like: “Hey _____, I’m going get here earlier to refill the coffee, but if you see it empty and put some in, I would be appreciative!”
Problem Statement: “I would have that promotion if it weren’t for Holly always showing off.”
Accountability Statement: “I feel like I was worthy of that promotion and was overlooked.”
What’s going on: It is crucial to understand that feeling unworthy is a personal issue that we must take ownership of and work through constructively. It's important to recognize that other people's success doesn't equate to our own failures. Rather than blaming others for our emotions, we should take proactive steps to address and process them. By doing so, we can handle them effectively and not suffer the negative impacts they have on our conflicts.
What we can do: Having a constructive conversation with our boss for feedback and specific skills to work on and improve that way we can focus clearly on what is needed for advancement and in turn increase our chances for the promotion.
What it looks & sounds like: Consider a proactive approach to increase your chances by emailing your supervisor for feedback and clarification of the job description. This will help you identify areas where you can excel and confidently showcase your abilities to meet the job's demands. Additionally, asking for a performance review could provide insights into the qualities expected of professionals in your field and help you identify areas for improvement. Expressing your interest in the position again can also show your commitment to your role and the company.
Problem Statement: “I know they talk about me; I can feel it when I walk by.”
Accountability Statement: It's uncomfortable and stressful thinking others don’t like me.
What’s going on: Feeling as though no one likes us can be an incredibly isolating and lonely experience. However, it's important to keep in mind that this feeling may not actually be an accurate reflection of reality, but rather a distorted perception of it. Intense emotions, such as loneliness, can alter our view of reality and make us interpret everything through that lens.
What we can do: If we have a habit of thinking that people don't like us, then we will eventually start believing it. However, if we change our mindset and adopt a positive approach, such as "I am thrilled to meet and connect with everyone!", our demeanor and actions will reflect that positivity.
What it looks & sounds like: Getting to know them better is necessary to change how we perceive someone. Taking the initiative to interact with them differently can help us learn more about them and form a more favorable impression. We should avoid viewing them as people who talk about us, as this can prevent us from truly getting to know them.
Problem Statement: “If my child’s other parent would be on time, I wouldn’t always be late.”
Accountability Statement: “I’m frustrated with the lack of stability in our schedule.”
What’s going on: Dealing with scheduling conflicts can be extremely frustrating and can hinder effective communication. Rather than trying to make someone more punctual, a better approach is to adjust our schedules to accommodate them. This way, we are not relying on them to fit our needs and can avoid conflicts and unnecessary stress beyond our control.
What we can do: It's challenging to process adjusting our schedules for someone we may have a poor relationship with, which is why our accountability statement is so important. We aren't changing our schedule for them; we are changing our schedule to fix our problem, and the problem isn't their timeliness; it is scheduling. We can view this as an opportunity to not only fix the scheduling problem but also to enhance our flexibility and adaptability skills.
It looks & sounds like: “Hi ___, I’m noticing you often arrive at --:--, if that time works better for you, I can plan around that.”
Expressing our accountability statement is an attempt to avoid bringing blame and defense into our discussions, allowing us to focus on having productive conversations that aim for resolutions instead. Conflict coaches and mediators assist people in formulating their accountability statements and help develop an actionable plan for solutions.
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